A new approach to looking in the mirror…

Today I got an email from a girl. And sadly, this is a variation of an email I get way too often. So I thought I would share my reply in hopes that it reaches other girls that feel this way…

Dear Cherry,

I know you must get this question a lot but I was wondering how do you keep your self confidence so high? I’m almost 24 years old and I’m a size 22 and sometimes I can’t even look at myself in the mirror and sometimes this effects my relationship because my boyfriend will call me beautiful or pretty and I will just cry and say “no I’m not I’m fat and ugly” So I’m just wondering what I should do

I think it is normal for all women to hate certain aspects of themselves and their bodies. I think it is especially hard when you are younger and trying to find your place in life. And also even harder because of how body and media obsessed our society is. We all have our own insecurities and the days when we just don’t want to get out of bed. It’s normal. The only thing you can do is push forward. Don’t allow yourself to self destruct. And don’t push away a man who obviously loves and desires you because of your own insecurities. It is so true that you can’t be loved if you can’t learn to love yourself. My best advice is to focus on the positive. Look in the mirror and instead of seeing your cellulite or your muffin top– look at your beautiful skin, or your fabulous eyebrows, or you perfect little toes, or your nice round butt. Focus on the good– even if it is the tiniest little thing. And tell the bad stuff that you will focus on it tomorrow. And then don’t ever let tomorrow come. Baby steps sweetie. Baby steps.

XOXO Cherry

I Love Me Written inside a Heart Drawn in Sand

7 thoughts on “A new approach to looking in the mirror…

  1. Lauren

    Great post! Hugs and kisses to this young lady (and all the others who have sent similar messages). There’s beauty in all of us <3

    July 15, 2014 at 6:01 pm
  2. Karina

    I too feel the same way, after four kids tour body is not the same as when you’re in your 20′s…and your reply is true..we first have to accept and love ourselves for who we are and what we look like…it’s hard yes, but not impossible

    July 15, 2014 at 6:25 pm
  3. Amy

    Oh how I know these feelings. I go through the same thing almost on the daily. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves parts of me that I hate — mainly my butt. To me it’s huge and disgusting; to him it’s big and beautiful. I have spent so much time questioning his view of me that I never really take the time to appreciate that he sees me that way. I’ve decided that I start trying to see myself through his eyes and because of that I have started to venture out a bit in my wardrobe choices. I’ve always worn black…all black for the past 20 years. It was maybe two weeks ago that I got colored shirts. Yellow, pink, turquoise…seeing them hanging on the hangers made me want to run away and cry. But finally I put them on and you know what? They actually made me look better. I found that I actually liked myself in them. When my boyfriend saw them on me he was thrilled and that made me happy. “Fat” isn’t WHO I am at my core — who I am is a wonderful, unique, passionate person. “Fat” is what I am and what I am can always change. Who I am is forever.

    July 15, 2014 at 7:32 pm
  4. Samantha

    Great post and reply! It’s not just “fat” girls who think like this also some “skinny” girls do too. My best friend is a size 00/0 xxs/xs and hates it! She has 3 kids, her youngest is 2 and her oldest just graduated high school. When she left the hospital after giving birth she left in her size 1 jeans.If she could gain some weight she would. She thinks she is so ugly and I have to remind her that she is beautiful. She gets crap for being so skinny, but what people don’t realize is she has a very rare type of cancer that attacks the stomach, kidneys, and adrenal gland. She 1 out of 30 known cases in the WORLD and there is no known cure. Because of surgeries to remove tumors from her stomach, it is now the size of a golf ball. If she gets another tumor, she’ll have no stomach left. Her adrenalin is constantly high. Kind of like being scared all the time. She has a very high risk of having a heart attack because of her adrenalin pumping constantly. I tell all of you this, so that people can understand that all women are critical of themselves. We all need to change our mind set. There is beauty in EVERYONE! It doesn’t matter your shape, size, color,or age. As Cherry says, baby steps are all you need!

    July 16, 2014 at 10:16 am
  5. ladycakes

    i wish i could make that lady feel better about herself. i’ve been almost the same size for as long as i can remember. kids are cruel when you grow in height but not in width. i still haven’t filled out and have been ridiculed almost my entire life. i love vintage fashion, but look like a little kid in her mother’s clothes. i tried to hide my body and my bones under layers of clothes for years. i’m almost thirty now and am finally fed up with coworkers’ comments and what other people think.
    i wish that lady would be happy with her awesome, voluptuous body. i also bet she would look absolutely stunning in most of the vintage styles i dream of!

    July 16, 2014 at 1:49 pm
  6. Jean B

    I am really glad that you are tackling this issue. I am impressed how many female models and actresses are doing this as well. Many women look to you gals as inspiration and unfortunately, also look to you as the standards to hold ourselves in comparison to. I am glad when people like you step out and provide a message that it’s important that we love who we are when we look in the mirror. No matter how much we strive to attain perfection, there is no way we are ever going to look exactly like you (or any model or actress) and we need to learn to be happy with who we ARE. Not just our “outsides,” but our insides too. I think that beautiful women such as yourself provide inspiration for us to try to look our best. As you mentioned in your reply to one of your followers, we need to start identifying what is RIGHT with us, rather than focusing on what is “WRONG” with us. I was blown away the other day when I was watching some Photoshop tutorials and got to see just how much models in magazines and online don’t even really look like the pictures that we see because all of their “imperfections” are removed. Most of us don’t know that. We don’t know that the pimples, the cellulite, the skin color irregularities and extra bulges and weight can be removed with the click of a mouse. Or maybe we do, but when we see those pictures, we don’t process that that is what has been done. I admire you for encouraging women to see their own beauty and their own worth. It makes you, an already outwardly gorgeous woman an even more beautiful woman. You are a goddess for reaching out to support and uplift women around you. Thank you for being a decent human being.

    July 17, 2014 at 8:15 am
  7. gino roncelli

    i met you recently in front of bank, where you were looking for investment info. hope you got what you need.
    you stated in a recent letter that you were size 22. i don’t think so.??
    mistake right.
    good luck with your venture. i still think that cash is king. so watch what you invest in. there are a lot of charlatans out there.
    gino

    October 19, 2015 at 3:39 pm

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